Rookie Wife {I said the same, in different words}

First, watch this video. Don't worry. It's short. :)

"What did you write on my sign?"

"I wrote the same, just in different words."

I can't tell you how many arguments we have had that have included the phrase, "it's not what you said, it's how you said it."

Wives that watch their tone, attitude and intention can afford to be honest. Her honesty is appreciated in her home because it comes from a place of love. Many times I have wanted to word vomit in moments of suffocating frustration but I knew anything I verbalized would be intended for hurt. It's not what I wanted to speak up about, it's HOW I wanted to speak.

Don't you just love that video? The first time I saw it I was like, "What did she write? What did she write!" And I cried. Big surprise.

I really think it speaks for itself.
Does HOW you speak to your husband portray bitterness? Anger? Understanding? Grace? Does it show in the words themselves?

It's healthy to address the hard stuff. Correction! It's not healthy, it's necessary. Money, sex, family, the list goes on and on. All are sensitive subjects and deserve well orchestrated thoughts. Think twice about HOW you talk about your husband's mama. :)

When the road gets rocky and words aren't warranted remember Rookie Wife's mantra.
"It is my job to love my husband. It is God's job to make him a good man."

If you speak up remember, "it's not what you say, it's how you say it."

Well, sometimes it's what you say. More on that later. ;)

Love, Nicole

Rookie Wife {the Grass is Greener syndrome aka GIGS}

I'm a healthy gal. Weighing in at ____, blood pressure lookin' good and all my buttons are workin'.
But I have been diagnosed with 'the grass is greener' syndrome. This is a self proclaimed prognosis but I'm 110% sure it's made me sick.
It's really awesome. And by awesome, I mean discouraging and degrading, silly and numbing.

The worst part is when it steals my joy. When I've suddenly become ungrateful for this beautiful life I lead. When I begin to dislike myself and don't even know why.
I'm sure none of you know what I'm talking about so I'll enlighten you. :)

We admire others relationships, materials, physical attributes and raw talents to the point of jealousy. Jealousy quickly transforms into lust or idolatry. It's sneaky that way. Soon you've caught GIGS before you can say, "if only I had her legs."

It hurts my pride to tell you that this jealousy runs through my blood consistently. (Insert cringe and the insanely strong urge to push delete.)

 Why?! How do we handle it?! How does GIGS affect our marriage?!

I feel like a broken record but I'll say it again. We are broken people. We are will remain sinful by nature. We must be intentional about appreciating and support others' God-given traits and talents and most importantly accepting we do not all have the same gifts. Especially our men.

I can't sew. Why do I insist on pinning sewing projects on pinterest? I'm not a hair girl. I'm just not. I run, but I'm not fast. I love photos but will never be a professional photographer. I'm a singer but have stage fright. I love to decorate but can't think of a single unique idea without help.
I love to cook but must have a recipe. I can't draw. I am organized.
I'm positive. I'm fickle when I have to make big decisions. I'm loyal. I'm super sensitive and most of the time I HATE it. I would love a more bold personality. I am missing two teeth. It's true, just wasn't born with 'em. I'm not proud of everything I've ever done. I like my upper body more than my lower body. I yearn to change the world and be a mom. I plan to the point of forgetting to enjoy the present.

This is me. This is exactly who I was designed to be. Your husband is designed differently but just as beautiful. As well as your friends, co-workers, random girl at Starbucks...

"I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart ..." Jeremiah 1:5
You are on purpose. All of the quinks, korks, not-ideal attributes are what made your husband fall in love with you in first place.Your friends find them amusing and your parents think they're cute.

If after reading this you've realized you too might have GIGS, I'm sorry. :)
Let us appreciate others gifts around us instead of seeing them as threatening.
Be in a community with others that don't share the same gifts, it makes life more fun.
Isn't that what marriage entails?! Being in constant union with someone that offers complimentary gifts to yours? Appreciate. Encourage. Embrace. Laugh. Shrug. Love.

On a daily basis remind yourself that ..."[I] am fearfully and wonderfully made"...Psalm 139:14

The most peaceful people I have met are comfortable with the talent they have been given and give praise to the One who made them.

Love, Nicole

P.S. I encourage you to make your own jumbled list of what you love and don't love about yourself. Write them down. Smile about them and let them go. Share them here or rip it up. :)
He loves those things about you!

Rookie Wife {the D word}

Say what you mean and mean what you say. Easy, right?!

In moments of annoyance or anger this seems like foolish talk. It's exactly what you don’t want to hear. 

I’m really good at holding my tongue in moments of anger resulting in my true feelings remaining a mystery to my husband and me not feeling resolution. I get to the close of our discussion and what I really meant never made its way out. 

Some of you rookie wives find holding your tongue an impossible victory spewing every good, bad and ugly thought that crosses your mind. Neither is the better problem to have. :)

One word I never let slip my tongue is the D word. Divorce.

The word contains heavy hints of mistrust, bitterness and pain even if you really don’t mean it. Especially if you don't mean it.
It threatens and divides. It just plain hurts. We decided never to say it in our house. If we said it, it would be the real deal.

We don't avoid the word because of denial or live ignorantly that our relationship is immune to divorce. We are human. We are broken. We are not above any sin. We don't allow the word to be tossed around in order to remain intentional about our commitment to each other. We're in it for the long haul.

Many of us have been exposed to arguments we "didn't mean." Have you ever told your mother you didn't ever want to speak to her again?! Told your brother he was stupid and selfish?!
I'm so guilty. Again.
I would venture to say many of us have said things we didn't mean. Immediately leaving our mouth we knew the hurt it would cause, knowing we would return with an apology while simultaneously shoving a foot in our mouth.

Words are beautiful. Words hurt. Words can save a life. Words can break a heart in two. Words create imprints, memories, battle wounds and those don't just vanish.

You may have other words, phrases or subjects that are off limits in your moments of controlled rage.:)
Before you word vomit think of that imprint, that memory or that battle wound it may bring to the surface or worse, create.

"For the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart." Matthew 12:34
Does your speech reflect what's on your heart? Is it all criticism? Are you honest? 
Your words matter.

Think before you speak.
Say what you mean and mean what you say.

in it for the long haul, baby!

Praise him for the good he does with your words. Keep the rest to yourself. :P
Remember, Rookie wife's mantra?!

Much love,
  Nicole

Rookie Wife {Girlfriends}

 "Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay.  Your people will be my people and your God my God." Ruth 1:16


This verse is most commonly used in wedding ceremonies and permanently etched in wedding bands. The commitment and trust embedded in the words are more than beautiful. 
Would you be surprised to know this was spoken from a woman to a woman?!

The realization that this statement of love was exchanged between women intertwined with the simplistic beauty of the text spoke to me. It suddenly redefined the word friendship.


I recently heard a radio interview with a woman who wrote a book on women and their friendships. According to research, there is an increase in depression in women and this author's platform argued that the rise in depression could be related to the deterioration in relationships between women.
I would most definitely agree.

Back in the day women did much more together than we do today. They cooked, cleaned, delivered each other babies, mentored each other and even raised each others kids. Our culture has evolved in many positive ways that doesn't have us rely on eachother in such a heavy way. Although, maybe needing other women maintains and satisfies certain needs where we are constantly feeling empty.

The business and mobility of our culture lessens our need for women.
Unfortunately, business and mobility doesn't change the emotional needs of women. We are still the same women who need other women. 

A woman and her friendships are crucial. Our husbands were never meant to fully satisfy our emotional needs. They satisfy needs yes, but there are certain emotional qualities that only other women can empathize.

When I say friendship I mean those who will speak to you honestly in love. Girls who you trust with your intimate thoughts regarding spirituality, personal and relational issues. Those who will keep you accountable but show you grace. Those who exaggerate your unique personality and inspire you.

Would you say this to those you consider your very best friends?!
"Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay.  Your people will be my people and your God my God." Ruth 1:16

You should be as picky at choosing your friends as you were at picking your husband.

Great girlfriends can truly enhance your marriage.  They can give perspective, show empathy and relate in a way that really your husband just wasn't built for. The shopping, margarita madness and movie nights with your girls without a doubt are soothing for the soul. :) Adventures are so much sweeter shared with women who you love and cherish.

Hollaaa to Pam. She's one of my best friends in spite of being in a different country. :)

Shout out to my best friends. I love you all. You encourage me in my marriage, exaggerate my personality and inspire me to live out loud no matter the distance between us.

Love,
  Nicole

He took me out to the ball game.

Uno margarita to get the night started!

The most expensive beer ever. BUT we now have a new collection of cups.

Reminds me of my childhood...baseball was life.

Mr. D and his sunflower seeds at the game!

Beautiful, HOT day!

The boomstick!

It was terrible. No one wanted to eat it.

The lady and Mr. D

GO RANGERS. GO USA. GO LIFE.

Love,
 Nicole

Rookie Wife {I love you, you're perfect, now change}

Admittedly these thoughts have crossed my mind:
"I'm so good for him."
"I'm going to really help in _______ area of his life."
"He'll see __________ in me and will want to do better at ___________."
Don't we all love to hear, "He has changed so much since you two got together."

OR better yet:
"Once we get married _____________ will be easier."(My favorite insert here is communication.  It really makes me laugh.)
"Over time ___________ will get better."

Yes, clearly I think I'm awesome.
Thank you Lord for grace because I realize daily I'm not even close.

All of these thoughts pointed to one idea: so often we as women have the savior syndrome.  We feel like we can make things better.  Most of us hold a natural urge to nurture and an intuitive teacher spirit.  We turn into Mrs. Fix-it in the relationship department.  This is often why women stay with the wrong men too long.  We are insistent we are good for them.  If we change the circumstances things will quickly get better.  We can inspire, influence or change them.

Many brides go into marriage with a few conscious or subconscious ideas of some changes they want to see either in their grooms or in their marriage.  Of course, marriage is a growing relationship.  You will grow and learn together but expecting a quick change in character or a foundation issue will be disappointing.  It takes time.  Realistically, it may be something that will never change.

Examples?!?
"I'm going to really help in the financial area of his life."
"He'll see my love for my family and will want to do better at loving his family."
"Once we get married communication will be easier." (I'm guilty!)
"Over time the drinking will get better."

What are some character traits or issues that you have held onto in your mind expecting a change??

Is it a difference in him or your own self reflection that is most needed to make things better?! 

Have you had an issue that you expected to get better over time but didn't?

Is it an issue worth talking through with your man??

It may be an issue God is working on in his heart and you are meant to stand by his side as a supportive rookie wife. :) Just sayin'.

If it's not an issue you feel like you need to deal with in this season of your lives consider letting them go.

I have seen many amazing aspects in my husband and our relationship that have grown since being married.  Guess what?! I'm really not solely responsible for any of them. Or if I was, it was all unintentional by God's work in my own heart.  Okay, so maybe I am good for him.  Maybe some acts I do affect him, inspire him or occasionally change him.  Remember Rookie Wife's mantra. My job is to love my husband. It is God's job to make him a better man.

Mr. D!  What I wouldn't do for this man!!

We couldn't live without them, ladies!
  Nicole

Coming Soon...Rookie Wife Wednesdays!

Welcome to my new Rookie Wife posts.

Many times we feel like we are the only ones having newly wed fits, fights or times of discouragement because no one posts on facebook, "my marriage sucks today."  I'm sort of giggling to myself trying to imagine someone actually posting that so bluntly.
PLEASE, I'm not encouraging you to spill your guts on facebook and I'm not here to spill mine.  I want this to be encouraging and relatable.  Real life.  Thoughts from a real sometimes-I-don't-like-you-but-I'll-always-love-you wife. :)

I spend a lot of time thinking, praying and talking about how to become a more servant natured, bold and loving wife.  It's an intimate relationship and it's not always easy or natural to feel servant hearted, strong or loving.

This is my attempt at being real with all of you new wifeys out there.  Some ideas to make your role as a wife fun.  You can relate, think my thoughts are only for the hopeless romantic or join me in living intentionally to do your part in maintaining a joyful marriage.

Four things to keep in mind if you want to follow this Rookie Wife.

DISCLAIMER #1

I am a rookie aka novice, beginner, etc.  I've been married for a little over 2 years and this is only my experience. I do not know everything (eh hem...anything).  I welcome input from veterans along the way! :)

DISCLAIMER #2

Please allow me to change my mind!  I so often feel strongly one way and find through experience I was wrong.  I am laying my pride down now and warning you that I may come back and change my fickle mind.  Be gracious! :)

DISCLAIMER #3

I love my groom.  No family or friend should be seriously concerned! tehe
I want any woman to relate with occasional feelings of insecurity, doubt or even discouragement, newly wed or veteran!

ROOKIE WIFE MANTRA

Before I was married I heard this saying and I say it to myself once everyday.

"It is my job to love my husband. It is God's job to make him a good man."

THE CATCH

This is all pointed toward the ladies which means it's one sided.  We can only fashion ourselves. Remember the mantra?! :) Personal reflection will make marriage more enjoyable for you and by God's grace will create a more intimate union between you and your man.  We want to exaggerate the awesome woman that he fell in love with in the first place. :)

I'm excited to share thoughts, ramblings and possibly deliver some laughs. :)

See you Wednesday!

  Nicole